I've got a handful of blogs I want to write, and they're going to be out of order. I originally wanted to blog about my few days I spent back at home, but I'm a tad livid right now and I have to vent first.
I received a text about 10 minutes ago. This is said text:
"I hate how you un-tag yourself from all the photos of us. It's like you don't want my picture anywhere on your page."
This person is referring to the fact that I untagged myself from a photo that they tagged me in. Yes, I know, I play Captain Obvious rather well.
This was my reply:
"It has nothing to do with you, retard. I hate how I look in most pictures lol."
I threw in the "retard" and "lol" to try and lighten the matter because I could tell that this person was going to take the matter in a direction that was absurd, ridiculous and totally out of context from what my original actions implied.
"In 99.9% of the pictures we take...thanks. I look like a fat cow but I still put it up."
"I don't un-tag myself as a personal attack or anything of that nature."
This statement that I said is completely true! They seem to think that I un-tag the pictures so that it's not on my facebook page and therefore no one can see them because I'm apparently ashamed of them for some unapparent reason. That, my friends, is false. It's assumptions. I could write another entire blog on how much I hate assumptions and the ASSumErS behind them.
I un-tag pictures that I don't like of myself. I'm sorry... I believe I have that right. And no, I'm not really sorry. Am I too critical? Maybe. Do I place too much thought into what I look like, and in a negative light? Maybe. I'm glad that they're fine with posting the picture of us regardless of how they think we look. I'm glad that they aren't as critical of themselves as I am of myself. Trust me, I wish I wasn't.
My 'father' barked at me for years about how fat I was -- how horrible I looked. He constantly made me go on diets and he singled me out in the family as the fat one. I WAS A HEALTHY SIZE 6/8. I was in NO way fat, or even overweight! Looking back at photos, I was what I would consider "the perfect body." However, because of him, I thought I was a beached whale. I hated myself. I am bigger now -- about a size 12/14. I've slowly regained my personal confidence back and recovered and pampered the severely bruised mindset that he caused me to have. However, I DO have times where I severely dislike the way I look. And if I don't like how I look, I have the right to take it off a public website.
It really bothers me that they're taking it so personal. Yes -- I know -- I un-tagged it because of a personal reason, but it had nothing to do with them. They seem to think it did, though.
"Hmmmm k i just deleted the pic all together so its cool."
Well, I'm glad I saved it to my computer before they deleted it. I'm glad that I personally saved a picture that I loved because it was one of my best friends and I together. I'm still not sorry that I took it down off a public website because I'm still going through bouts of being ashamed of how I look.
And, yes, this entire matter is pretty much completely childish and immature -- on both parts. This venting I'm doing? I should probably stop and delete this blog already. But, you know, the great thing about the internet and about personal blogs... is I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO WHAT I WANT WITH WHAT'S MINE.